I am so very sorry about your situation. Some MLCers can be very nasty and do some terrible things like clean the house out and the bank accounts and then sit back and struggle financially because they have spent all of the money w/o budgeting for things in life and then expect us to jump through hoops to settle up in court.
As for your church minister, he may be a could listener, but he's not the one walking in your shoes and having to deal w/someone who has lost the plot. She is the one that moved out, she is the one now responsible for her own life, living arrangements and yes, even budgeting. She had a nice home and family, but most of all a loving husband and she has chosen to walk away from all of those things and start fresh. The mess she created is of her own making.
I would focus on the welfare of my children and if you have to provide additional money to take care of them, then this is something you will need to discuss w/your lawyer how to go about ensuring that the funding is used appropriately. Your lawyer can guide you on this issue. I suggest that you document as much as you can on the visits w/your children. Don't ask the children questions, but listen because children do tend to talk. If you hear something that isn't right, document it.
Dig deeper for patience and keep the focus on you and your children. Your children need you now more than ever. Leave your wife in God's hands.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
