I believe in trusting your gut and I think it is healthy and strong. Also, I get that it doesn't really matter in the end when it all started up with OW. For me, it was reassuring to know (finally) that there was another person in the picture- it made a lot of things make more sense to me, and the gut twitching that had been telling me it was a potential issue even with all gaslighting he'd been doing ("how could you even ask me that?") helped me have more faith in myself, even as all the things I had believed him to be (not a liar or a cheater) crumbled. Anyway-- I'm glad you have that ability. It is a good thing.
I think both of our Hs-- probably many of the WSs on this board-- are all living in some level of fantasy land of what life could only be like if, if, if. And it is TOTALLY a fantasy. Human beings are flawed creatures, and any smart, strong, woman WILL have expectations and needs of her partner. To be honest, I don't know if it is all that different between an imaginary person and an AP at this point, because even though my H has a real live person to pin his fantasies on, he is still in the imaginary stage. (Does he think SHE would be cool with me going on a two-week vacation with him and the kids? Or eating dinner together every night without her? And if she was... that feels even more bizarre to me.)
I was speaking to a potential MC the other day and gave him the bare bones of my sitch. He said there is no way to ever compete with the AP in these situations because it is a fantasy, while my H has seen my at my absolute worst in every possible way-- but real love is what happens after the fantasy ends. I guess if your H (my H, any of our Ss) can't come to understand that, they aren't good partnership material either, because they'll just do the same thing in their next R, or again to us if they return without really understanding what love is or have unrealistic expectations of what a partnership should look like. So yes, I guess we have to hope that they'll figure it out, but we can't wait around feeling sorry for ourselves while they pull their heads out of their a**es. Right??! (talking to myself here too )
Go for something fun on NYE!! Dress up! Post here what you do!
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
