Battling Forward Part2

[Core]

Hi All,
Nothing new or big here. Continuing to work on patience. Xmas was almost normal, we worked through family issues together and seemingly all had a good time. We're keeping it mostly "business" however she brought up other topics which I validated as I could. Still no action towards R or new action towards D.

I got one of the recommended books on validation and its good so far. I never realized how much I invalidated feelings (not on purpose). More so, I didn't realize how much W invalidated me and for how long. After processing alot of this in IC, its no wonder the M fell apart. Whats scary here is I think I'm not just detaching, I think I may be starting to feel like a WAS does. I see and remember how critical W was of me, my passions, my parenting style. I see the contempt she held. All her passive aggressive explosions, comments and reactions. Her physical neglect, moving away from my signs of affection. Talking ill of my friends and family. Siding with others against me when I brought up issues to talk through. The invalidating, her messy nature. House always being a disaster and me to blame even when all my areas are clean. Me trying to talk and getting one word responses. I don't know all....I am unsure I want R if the opportunity does arise. I want it for the kids but now I'm seeing that being in this M is probably not in my best interest. I know its all feelings and they can change but just wow...shes treated me poorly for awhile. Consciously or not.

Here I am GALing, getting fit, eating well, drink less than once per month, reading, going to IC all while W is drinking, eating worse, stopped exercising, etc. I'm moving up while she seems to go down and as she goes down, I get more concerned for the kids. Especially if she is drinking at a friends and driving with them in the car.

End rant.