Scout's QLC journey #2

[HaWho]

Scout - those sad feelings you have about your hopes and dreams are perfectly normal. Allow yourself to feel them. Time will help heal you. Trust the process.

All of us have felt sadness over the loss of the dream we were building. It has nothing to do with the 21 year old; she’s
just the band - aid. Imagine the caliber person she is to be involved with a married man with a child! He is running to her because she mirrors who he is right now.

Most of us here had spouses who had major turmoil upon midlife. I bet most of these spouses had issues with major milestones whether that be turning 30, having children, settling down, turning 40, aging, etc. In hindsight my own ex had blips in adjustment that compounded and erupted at midlife. I probably glossed over them and overcompensated for his weaknesses.

My point is, if your h’s turmoil is this deep at his young age, at 40 or 50 he would be a train wreck. So there was no escaping it. In fact, have dodged a bullet with it revealing itself to be so large so early in his life.

When the moments of sadness still come for me, I feel them but remind myself I can’t go back and change anything. What is done is done. I forgive myself for choosing a broken guy. I work really hard to make sure my kids have strong coping skills so that this does not happen to them. I focus on what I can control. I don’t know tomorrow so it is pointless to worry about that. I have today and I will make it the best I can.

Give it time, breathe. You have this; keep posting as we are all here to support.