"Walking out of the Valley" 2.0

[hoosjim]

One more thing I feel it is important for me to emphasize, which is the importance of GAL and 180s.

Initially, I should point out that I am a person of strong Christian faith and i remain convinced to this day, due particularly to the way things developed in my sitch-- the manner and timing with which certain people came into or BACK into my life and the manner and timing in which certain revelations came to me--that there was divine providence and grace at work in my situation... It's really the only explanation for how some of these things went down. Not to mention how both my heart and my W's hearts seem to have been "turned" at points when we had to all appearances committed to leaving the MR. Speaking just for myself I was disgusted with her... Was finally completely comfortable (and even a bit excited) with the idea of being on my own... Had some other clear "prospects"... Young and attractive ones at that... Had reconnected with friends and made new ones, etc. One kid out of the house and the other on the verge so "collateral damage" somewhat minimized. In other words no real reason for me to turn back. And yet, when my MC/IC brokered a meetup between us a couple of weeks later in a "neutral" location (small town about 45 mins south of here), ostensibly just to try to make the breakup more amicable, and I first saw her walk around the corner... My heart just changed and I knew she was sorry for what she'd done and i knew I wanted to take her back. And she did all the right things from there... And here we are.

So, when I talk about how I did this or that or my W acted such and so way or that it is important to do ________, just know that this is where I am coming from. At the end of the day, I just think that this is where we were meant to be, and that everything we went through, all the steps and missteps, was necessary, and in fact the only path we could have taken to get where we got, so ALL GLORY TO HIM, and not tooting my own horn on any of this...

ALL THAT BEING SAID... this divine providence, or whatever, definitely manifested itself in certain ways, and there were certain "truths" or paths that I was blessed to discover that contributed to the final outcome. And one aspect of my sitch that I think does NOT come across very well in my threads is the importance and value of a dynamic and strong GAL/180 program. I tended not to talk very much about my GAL and 180s all that much in my threads (and as a result I even got, mistakenly, called out more than once for neglecting my GAL) for the simple reason that, from a very early point in time, I felt that I was doing an outstanding job in those areas and didn't need any help/advice concerning them. Even though I did struggle with true and consistent detachment, did often find myself spinning as a result of my WWs behavior, and, like most LBSs on here, made plenty of mistakes in my interactions, my GAL/180 game was consistently strong. At age 50, I got into the best physical shape of my life, upgraded my style/wardrobe and started dressing and grooming like a man trying to attract a woman instead of like a "dad". Never left the house even to go to the gym that I didn't look my best (and boy did she notice... "Why do you always get dressed so nice and put on body spray before you go to the gym, now?" Me: no answer, smiling). I rediscovered my faith, started attending a new, vibrant church with a younger, very active congregation. Went out of my way to contact old but dear friends that I had mostly lost touch with. Spent some weekends away from home, visiting them, and being vague about my whereabouts when talking to her. When I did talk to her, spoke in a confident, and sometimes even flirtatous manner, but never expected anything and never over pursued. Re-committed to some of my passions, particularly the outdoors, and took up new activities like kayaking. Stepped a bit outside of my comfort zone, establishing an outgoing social media presence (which, by the way, also helped her to see the new me) and venturing out to local bars and such to see live music, sometimes even on my own, becoming a regular at one neighborhood spot. I got a tattoo-- because I'd wanted one for a while and now didn't really care "what she thought" (she professes not to like them). As a result of all this, I started getting attention, some from strangers of the opposite sex, but some from common friends and neighbors... Which, trust me, can making an impression: hearing things like "Wow, I saw Hoosjim at ________ the other day and he looked GREAT" or walking into your favorite pub and seeing a gorgeous 20-something hanging on your every word makes a BIG difference in how a WW ultimately views you. It's all about being the absolute best you can be... And my relationship does not emerge from the darkness without that happening.

Other GAL tips-- I've always been mechanically inclined, and "handy", but had become slack and lazy in this regard. I re-committed to "doing for myself" in terms of home and car repairs. And I'm not talking about the "gay butler" routine that s lot of LBHs do when they are trying to "nice her back" and they start doing all the housework... I'm talking about tinkering and repairing and using tools to fix broken things that you might otherwise have to call a contractor for. It's called "being capable", and if you think it doesn't make an impression on a woman I've got news for you...it does... She basically raped me a few weeks back when I was in the kitchen repairing the dishwasher.

Here's a tip: You'll know you're GALing and 180-ing WELL when you're W or XW (If it gets to that point) asks you " Who ARE you?"

GAL, GAL, GAL. And if it doesn't help you reclaim your W, it will certainly help you find someone better (and, most importantly, find a better YOU).

Hang in there man! Have a happy, and successful, New Year!