Well, after telling our mutual friend I hadn't said goodbye or Merry Christmas to him when I left Tuesday morning (though I had left him a short note that said Merry Christmas), H ended up texting me Christmas afternoon, our first text correspondence since Thanksgiving. He sent a video of our cats and said, "Merry Christmas." I should probably have waited longer than I did to respond, but I reciprocated with a video of my parents' new cat and "Merry Christmas!"
I thought being at home with my family would be a nice break from all the stuff going on with H, but it has been the opposite. Seeing them for the first time since BD has messed with the confidence and detachment I'd been able to build up since the summer. I now understand why it was much easier for H to stay home and avoid seeing his own family. I've felt the ghost of old H with me on this trip, as he'd normally be here too. I know he loved my family and enjoyed time with them—my family is close, and his is much smaller and not close. I think he felt he had more in common with my own dad than his.
I flew in to his hometown but have had no contact with his family, when I'd normally be spending Christmas Eve and day with them. His mom and dad divorced when he was young and my MIL always made a big deal of how they've remained friends, so I'm hurt that she's never reached out to me (other than a text sharing a horoscope that encouraged me, essentially, to move on) and didn't tell me Merry Christmas. I haven't heard from his dad either, but we weren't close like I thought I was with MIL.
I've basically been a mess here these last few days, heavy with grief for both my old H and the R I had with his family. I am not looking forward to returning to my home with H next week. I need to re-center myself before I do, somehow.
