I know it seems counter-intuitive, but as with the blame, there is nothing you can do right now or "right" now.
Ah, yes. His words and yours have made this real to me, finally.
Originally Posted by OwnIt
There is only one version of DB. There aren't separate ones for WAH or MLC. Just chapters in the same book. If you subscribe to the theory, and I definitely do given what I see going on (which is a function of timing and my too-long-in-coming detachment), unless they really fear that they are going to lose you, they just keep running.
Ownit, when you say "I definitely do given what I see going on," do you mean in general on the board, in your own sitch, or in this particular instance? Or all three? I've caught up on your sitch, and it also drives home that I have been at this for such a short time! I hope I can channel a slice of the strength and confidence and patience you've had. It really blows me away, especially as I'm currently feeling like I've somehow lost all the internal progress I've made.
Originally Posted by OwnIt
If you detach and focus on you and your own happiness, you will be more attractive to him (or maybe someone else), you will be the person he would be a fool to leave, you make the opportunity cost of remaining in whatever this is higher, and you make him worry you might be out there dancing with someone else. Maybe he comes back as someone you know and love and want to be with, maybe he doesn't but you've found happiness and made a life.
Which sounds more appealing?
I'm not struggling with the answer to this question (pretzeling is exhausting and, clearly, nothing I do will be right!); I'm struggling with the reality of it. Why is it so difficult to wrap my head around what it means to detach not in the abstract, but in the concrete, day-to-day life kind of way? I think back to BD, and I see I've made progress in detaching, but as I feel I'm nearing closer to this new phase of receiving D papers, I feel I'm at square one again.
I'm being challenged to complete the next level of detachment. This one is harder: so far, I've gotten fairly good at putting blinders up to whatever he's doing/not doing while while I go to work and apply for new jobs and re-center myself in my own life and daily routine. Now I'll have to achieve a higher level of detachment while being confronted with the new logistical and financial and legal realities of how his decision is impacting my life.
