"Walking Out Of The Valley"

[joejoe1]

BB,

My advice is to stop telling her to move out. Your know her answer. She's doesn't have anywhere to go, so stay she will.

So, where do you go from here. You think you can't heal with her there, I'm here to tell you that the mind is a powerful thing, and the will-power of humans are amazing. I didn't separate from my WW, but I started to D her emotionally and started to heal while having her in the home and seeing her on a daily basis, I think it was one of the things that hit my WW hard, seeing me move forward in real time right in front of her. Was it hard: HELL YEAH. Is it doable: HELL YEAH. Stop trying to control your WW, telling her to move out is you trying to control her. Leave her be.

If you have something to tell her, ask yourself first, is this something I can control, if the answer is NO, leave it be.
If you have something you want her to do, key is WANT, find a way to do it yourself first.
If you have something you need her to do, find a way to do it yourself first, if you can't, approach in a very business like manner, I would recommend an email. That way you can structure it, look over it and have her answer document and written.

Lastly, I know it [censored] raising your boys by yourself, but I showed my WW, that I didn't need her for anything. When I had my boys, I didn't ask for a thing from her. If I struggled with something, I struggled. I made the best of it, and at the end of it all, my relationship with my boys grow so much more. They know I had their back, and I could care for them. By baby boy, start coming to me even when my WW was around, which didn't happen at all before BD. I think that really surprised my WW. She really got a chance to see my independence starting to develop. It was a key sign that I was learning to live without her in my life.

Your WW is wayward, she's lost and deep in fantasy land. She's has a lot of expectations in this fantasy. My WW was the same. She wanted me to move in an apartment and pay the mortgage and all the bills at our home. She was going to go to college to get a second degree, and a new job, and pay put our baby in daycare. Her and the OM also talked about living together. Guess what, that fantasy started to crack when we went to the daycare and they told her how much it would be, and then she started asking me to help pay. I told her, I wasn't paying for anything until I was obligated. All these things, she told me. I just looked at her, and said ok. I stopped contesting her ideas, thoughts, expressions, feelings, wants, needs, whatever she had going on. She wanted it all. One day I was doing it all. One day, I was begging and pleading, One day I talking to her about her feelings and relationship, and asking her she felt about me and OM. And then ONE DAY, I just STOPPED. I just said, I'm done. No more questions, no more begging, pleading, asking her anything.

Oh I really started validating. I stop contesting and started validating. And, when she would ask, "how do you feel", I would say I don't feel the same. And when she asked, "what do you think", I provided the raw truth.

You are doing great!!!!

Onward and forward

Joejoe