The house situation hangs over us like a weird cloud. He won't actually ever mention it but he asks indirect questions like, "When are you starting your new job.". When I tell him I don't have one, he looks away. He hasn't mentioned it to his family. I've seen all of them at some point or another over the last week and (as I haven't seen them in a while) they inevitably ask "Hows work?" and I tell them "I'm not working at the moment". They kind of look at me shocked, the implication sinking in and then ask "Oh, are you OK?". I respond something like "I'm fine. I've done everything I can do so now have just got to wait. Theres no point looking for work in Dec.".
Ah, sounds like your H is an advocate of the tough love approach - though his interpretation is a little different to mine. I think tough love is about boundaries whilst also letting them know that your love is unconditional. The boundaries is the 'tough' bit, and the unconditional love, well, that's the 'love'. You set clear boundaries and consequences and follow through when the boundaries are overridden. However consequences are never whether you show them love. Telling them that he doesn't want to be around them because he is angry with them is just a cop out. That is what my H says to me (he still does this) but I'm an adult and I can take it. Not what we say to our children.
Note: everything above makes me sound like the perfect parent. You know I am not. I scr*w up a lot. But my children know I love them. I tell them every day. I also tell them their father loves them. That is what it means to put your children's needs in front of your own.
