Hi Hope!

I am so glad you still update :-) ... Are these slow changes for the better? ... I'm thinking that is the million dollar question for you. I wish I had the answer. I don't know. I'm thinking maybe he doesn't know either.... I think we all would hope that in time that leads to you both growing closer again and then Ring. I just don't see it happen that way here much.

It's hard for me to remove my own bias and understand what he's doing because it's different from my own sitch. I axed off the family time with my H because I knew he was running off to OW and felt it was cake eating. I also felt as long as I was solidly plan B, then he wouldn't turn things around. In my sitch, I knew H had to lose me to want me again. I tend to think they all need to feel some loss, and negative consequences of their actions, in order to want the M back. They value it after they learn to miss it. I think it's a weirdly human, but common, phenomena that happens in a heartbreak. We, the LBS feel it because we have a broken heart, but their experience is different and they don't want what they know thy can have. Again, that's my own bias and I could be wrong. Perhaps if there is no OW (or things already failed with her) it's okay to keep things on more friendly terms?

It sounds like D4 enjoys the family time. Do you think you could enjoy it without any expectations? For example, hypothetically speaking, if you knew the family time would not lead to Ring, would you still engage in it? Or, if you knew he was still with OW (and planning his future with her), would you still engage in it? .... I'm not suggesting you do or don't, that would be your choice. I am suggesting tho that if the family time is raising your expectations, then I worry you are creating more potential for hurt.

A couple questions. How do you think he would react if you started dating someone else and lost interest in him? Or, what do you think he would do if you did a 180 and detached?

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela