I spent a few minutes thinking about what the title of this thread should be. Peace and joy are continuing themes in my journey, and have become my mantra. I continue to choose activities and friendships that have the best chance to give me peace and joy, and I'm determined to keep these at the forefront of my feelings. After all, feelings follow actions. So, I will continue to be diligent in choosing how to spend my time wisely.
I slipped this week for sure with the little hissy-fit H had. But it was short-lived, and I had a wonderful Christmas.
H provided personal letters to both kids with their gifts. S22 shared his with me. All I can saw is WOW!
He called himself a coward. Said he ran when he should have stayed. Said he didn't deserve S22's forgiveness as he knows that his actions, and inability to reconcile with me shattered a pillar that held up part of S22s world.
There was a lot more, about loving him, thinking about him every day, about him graduating and going off into the world this year. Well, it was a lot more than I could have ever imagined, that's for sure.
D20 received a note too. Not sure what it said, but she did express that she was surprised he laid out such raw emotion. She sent a short note to him acknowledging it, and a heartfelt thanks for the gift. She said she needed to process it, and would be in touch in a week or so.
Kind of a Christmas miracle. Maybe a break-through with the kids. I don't know. But, H is clearly having a small awakening of sorts. I almost wish he would say some of those words to me. But I don't know if they will ever come. I don't expect it.
Will this lead to any changes?
Well, as my friend DnJ says.
"Time will bring answers."
In the meantime, I will continue to pursue Joy and Peace.
