Nothing wrong with striking a deal, I just said do not give up on DBing. In any case your marriage was over at BD. You need to heal for youself and your kids. You need to grow for yourself and your kids. If you bail now, you will be just postponing the problem in not so distant future...
We spoke on Christmas and it’s clear to me that it’s over. W spewed all the usual MLC jargon. “You can’t re-fall in love with someone” “There is nothing here between us”’ “ I don’t feel any connection” “25 years. We had a good run.” I validated her statements and told her that I was letting her go. “If you want to be with someone else, you can go. I’m no longer fighting for you.”
I then said that we should get together and discuss splitting everything up so we can file and get a mediator. It’s best to have everything agreed upon in advance to expedite the D process. I am okay with this path, as I feel there is zero chance of R without some loss being felt by W. She has the best of both worlds at the moment, and if one of those worlds is lost, perhaps things will change.
And to be clear, I am not going down this path to try and snap her out of it. I am going down this path as a matter of self respect and in the interests of myself and my children. W’s actions and choices are simply unacceptable, and I will not continue to be disrespected. I will continue to DB, which has been very helpful to me. She can do what she wants to do and sort herself out on her own. Sad day, but I also feel it’s a necessary day. Onward.
I would say things to her about splitting up. And told myself it was not to try to snap her it of it.
The truth is that unless you are moving on, filing for D, contacting a lawyer to draw up an agreement, and simply taking action, then you are saying it to snap her out of it. Sorry to be blunt, but you have not gone down any path. You've said some words.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
We are meeting today to discuss splitting up assets/debts. Once we have an agreement, I will be contacting a mediator.
I am happy for you that your sitch turned around. When did you know R might be in the cards? I should add that my W is in an EA and we are separated with 2 kids.
I am in 100% agreement with your last post and support your decision. Knowing what I now know I would have filed right after the New Year of my sitch. Her behavior is unacceptable and you deserve better and so do your kids.
I knew R was in the cards about 2 months after we started Ring. It is not an overnight change. As much as we would like for it be. What I can tell you is the impatience will get you D'd faster than anything else.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
It’s been 6 months. She’s clearly in MLC. Sleeping every night at a “friend’s” house 30 minutes away. She has stated multiple times she wants a D. Right now, could I trust her at all even if she said she wanted R? As many have said, D is just a piece of paper. If I can protect myself and my kids and keep things amicable, I feel like I should do that. The trust has been broken. We both need time and space.
I am in 100% agreement with your last post and support your decision. Knowing what I now know I would have filed right after the New Year of my sitch. Her behavior is unacceptable and you deserve better and so do your kids.
I commend your strength!
Yep. Do it. Don't talk about it.
WMLC there is a good chance she'll be you off for this "discussion". Then what?
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I think Steve’s point is that even though they want a D they delay it sometimes until they get all their ducks in a row. Though typically WWs in affairs typically want out quick so the don’t lose their affair partner.
