CW ~ I caution others here similar to me -- that combo of CEN and NGS can lead us to not just validate our S's feelings but also their REALITY. We come to DB and get very drawn to the validation piece. Maybe if I just empathize *even more*.
I was drawn in. I thought she just needed a little more empathy and then we could start working on things. I was desperate to fix things and work on them, to the point I wrote apology letters completely buying into her point of view. Even today, going back to MC is just giving her "a little more empathy" so maybe we can co-parent more successfully.
I thought, Maybe she is not capable of empathizing with me right now, but it takes someone to kick start things, and I am going to be that person. I will weather the storm, and hopefully she will turn. I will be the lighthouse. I will walk my path.
See how seductive the trap is? That is not DB-ing. That is sitting around passively while nothing changes.
I'm not suggesting I am a victim here. It is my own undoing to a degree. I probably should have said a year ago, "W, things are completely off between us. I know I played a role to get us where we are at. I don't think MC1 is working, but I absolutely want to work together with you to get us back on track. What we are doing is not working for either of us."
