I think with the piece of paper - the D. It's easier to have a real talk with her about how you won't be doing things as a family because you aren't a family. Your family is now you and your S.
You say that she doesn't get the message. Maybe you aren't communicating the message as much as you think.
Personally, I'd stop with "I have plans," I'd just say "we talked about this." I think you need to stop saying that the only reason you aren't doing things as a family is because other things get in the way.
The D also gives the freedom to have a frank talk with the XW. I think people come here and they get the avoid R talks message beaten into their brains and they see every talk that's not small talk as an R talk.
Mario. I've verbally and literally set my boundaries with this several times over since March. Here is a message excerpt from Oct to XW. She still takes it as "giving me my space" but still insists inviting me to family events after I've made my self clear on the mattof aer.
XW: Still not sure... would you consider coming up with him tomorrow for the day if he stays home tonight. IH: Sorry. I don't play family unless I actually belong to one. XW: You can take him tonight, or leave him with me for the weekend. Please let me know so I can make /cancel plans.
Another occasion XW:We dont have to swap, you can still have friday. We will both see him tomorrow for santa pics. Id just ask that you video call tonight so jack can see you. IH: I don't feel that's necessary. Unless he is looking for me I will see him tomorrow and Weds. XW:Ok, i just thought you might wanna say hi XW: We will see you tomorrow. IH: I need space. Not from him. Do you understand? XW: Yes.
Funny I deleted all text messages of XW from year prior back in Sept. Im reading over the texts in exchange beteeen us over stuff. S2 health. schedules and timetables and inconveniences and what not as far as respecting boundaries in time and space and schedules. Even though all my points are completely valid in my text messages I realize how much of a Maniac I sound like always trying to make my point. Guess that's why I went silent.
