Alison - I am with Yail. I find his attitude, behaviour and words extremely uncomfortable. I get that this is what he does when he feels threatened or insecure, but that does not make it right. He feels threatened so he threatens. He feels insecure, so he mocks and belittles. Habit maybe, but habits like this need to be broken if you are ever going to get to a place where you can truly be happy together. Otherwise you are sacrifice your hard won sense of self worth for what, a man who makes you feel like sh!t because he feels like sh!t.
Originally Posted by AlisonUK
So in therapy I want to ask that he commit to stopping that behaviour. That he can be angry or upset or mistrusting or whatever he is - and he is welcome to communicate that to me in words like an adult. But that I need him to take responsibility for this odd behaviour and stop it so I can feel emotionally safe with him.
Do this. But read the boundaries thread first. Are you willing to tolerate his behaviour hoping that it goes away on it's own (it won't) or are you willing to tell him what you will not tolerate and face the consequences?
If you take the former, you will end up exactly where you were post BD. Him treating you like garbage, feeling guilty for it, then losing respect for you because you let him treat you like garbage and resenting you for making him feel guilty for it.
If you do the latter, he might kick off. He might spew a little and then stew in his own resentment and you may ultimately lose him again, but he will respect you and more importantly, you will respect you.
And I truly truly believe, you can't have a relationship without respect.
