I wanted to ask, has your W shown any signs of depression in the past? You spoke about sudden tattoos and changes in behavior, could you expand on the changes you saw in your W behavior wise around the time of BD.
Yes. After our son was born she suffered severe post-partum depression and got on depression meds at that time. Once she got on the meds things improved pretty quickly and she was fine for about 3 years. She got a job at a plastic surgery clinic about 2 years ago and after about 6 months to a year things started to change dramatically. Especially after she got her boob job. We both began drinking a good bit and were both constantly bored/complaining all the time as it just seemed that our entire life was devoted to keeping our child entertained. She began having a constant desire to get tattoos. She always wanted our son to stay with one of our parents so she could have the weekend off, but most of the time she still didn't want to spend any time with me. She began taking "girl's trips" at least every month/every other month with her co-workers. I do know she went with her co-workers but who knows if she met any guys and had any fun with any men on the trips. I am thinking she may not have gone all the way, but possibly got some attention and free drinks and it sparked something in her. In the 3 months leading up to BD, she went on a girl's trip every single month. She began wearing far more makeup than she ever has in the past, began getting her hair far more done up than she ever has in the past, and began buying and wearing sexier clothes than she ever has in the past. Not to mention going to the gym for 1-2 hours 3-5 times a week, which is where she ended up meeting OM.
I mean she claims she emotionally checked out of the marriage about 2 years ago. I do not believe that timeline but do believe it was about 6 months-1 year prior to BD. Honestly at this stage of the ballgame, I do not hold out absolutely any hope that she will ever "come around" .. I think this is just the human that she is. She's always been very superficial with self-esteem issues and I think finally getting her boob job was what solved many of her self-esteem hangups to the point she felt confident enough to monkey branch to someone that she considers better (which in her case means better looking). Which I am a skinny, frugal, nerdy, shorter, quiet guy and the new guy is extremely buff, loves spending money, taller, very confident and outgoing. She told me many times when we started dating that I was definitely not her type as she always liked the more muscular, athletic types. Most of her boyfriends before me were what you would consider "meatheads," and that is also what I would consider this new OM.
I believe a lot of this has been from the people she is surrounded by at her workplace. She told me after BD that all of her co-workers told her she should just divorce me if she's unhappy because they're on their 2nd or 3rd husband now and they're as happy as can be (all alcoholics and drink pretty much every night and party every weekend). Even her therapist told her that once you fall out of love with someone, there is no way to get that back and it sounds like she needs to just go ahead and pull the trigger on divorce.
:shrug: I guess this is just the price that has to be paid sometime when you begin dating when you are young and grow into different directions. However, I value marriage more than that and believe that no matter how different two people and their interests are, you can still make the marriage work if both parties are willing. But I know that is a very outdated way of thinking in the 21st century. I loved her to death and would've done anything for her, but I know there's no sense in wasting my time and energy on someone that doesn't feel the same for me. Onward and upward I suppose. Just hate it for my S4 the most, as I will always be a firm believer that the two parent household where the child isn't having to get shifted back and forth between two different households is so much more beneficial for the child's emotional/educational outcome. I anticipate many issues especially as he reaches school age.
