Today was yet another looooong day at work. Just not enough time in the day to get your work done. I did come home to dinner made by my dads wife. My dad did some cleaning..... and of course made passive aggressive comments, but he meant well, and I appreciate it. D12 is at a friends holiday party and will be home at 9. I’ve got a long day of work ahead of me tomorrow too. I’ve been so busy at work, I’ve been having a hard time following up with stuff for my new job, I wouldn’t be surprised if I lose that opportunity and I can’t afford too. It’s too much to do, too little time. I’m feeling the pressure hard core.
I wish I could be much more optimistic. But for the love of God, why are some people meant to struggle for so long???? Am I still paying for my past transgressions? I feel like I’ve paid a million fold. I’m tired. My body is tired, my mind is tired, and my soul is tired. I never imagined I would be carrying so much responsibility and stress for so long and all alone. It feels almost cruel.
This year is killing me. Last year, I was seeing what I thought was this wonderful guy, I had a new home, and I got to meet this guys family on Christmas Eve and they loved me and I loved them. And I remember thinking as we lay in his bed that night “ finally, this is why all my struggle happened, this is the pay off”
Well, that was nothing more than a cruel joke. And here i am, a year later, alone, broke, stressed, and fat.
