Im sure everyone here is going to tell me to do what I am comfortable with without attachment or expectations. I know everyone here says "If you are confused by their intentions, then its breadcrumbing, if they want to reconcile YOU WILL KNOW!' The reason why I always ask the vets here every time a situation like this comes up is because I want good discernment with this without being all removed and hard hearted. It still bewilderes me as to why XW continues to do these things when I have specifically asked her not to since April and have made my point very clear about such. No marriage. No family activity except special occasions. You want separated? Divorce? We do things separate... I just don't understand why someone doesn't get the message even with my silence and refusal. IMO its selfish of her to want to be friends and play family, and have me around to her benefit at times without having to be married to me. But other people like my cousin, she talks to XW too. She thinks it's her way of using S2 to reconnect with me. My cousin speaks with XW too. Its really hard for me to determine if I am being stubborn at times or am I gauging the current situation correctly based on her actions in the other direction away from the M. I've kind if learned my lesson with that 6 times over. Spending time with both of them together changes nothing. If anything it just reinforces her fantasy that I will always be there. But what if I'm wrong and my cousin is right. I just don't want to be vulnerable and keep opening up wounds over and over again, but I'm sure there is someone out there (Like XW and her family that will never see it from my POV.) Am I being stubborn? I figure it this way, nothing came out of it the last several times, so why bother? This isn't like the movies Fireproof. Im perfectly fine in my space. Somewhat enjoy being apart in these conditions, and honestly wouldn't mind taking D off the table, but there's no way in hell Ill move back into the M home without her attempting to carefully think about how much she's hurt me through all of this, and attempt to earn my trust back after laying it all on me seven times over since last year. If she never wakes up, In fine with D too. I won't pursue anymore I refuse to without a complete rock bottom sincere apology on her part after her opinions had to be heard and her feelings validated, but mine dismissed. I've made friends with silence. Its good and introspective for me.
