Perfecting my inner peace

[Grace21]

Good evening, friends.

I realized it’s been 2 weeks since I posted more than a few words. I guess life is just moving along, and that is a good thing.

As I write this, I’m in a quiet corner, looking at the glowing Christmas tree and candle lit room. D20 is working on a puzzle nearby, and S22 is gaming with a friend. It’s nice having the kids home. Have to admit, though, it’s an adjustment. I realize my life is full of activity and friendships, and now I have to make sure I get family time in. I guess it’s not a bad problem to have.

My best friend lives right around the corner. I love our impromptu get togethers – wandering over to each other’s home. She includes me in almost all her family get-togethers. She is Vietnamese, and her mom cooks, and cooks, and cooks. I reap the rewards of her labor of love.

Friends call to see how I’m doing, or vent, or ask for advice. Relationships. That’s what life is all about.

I haven’t seen H since our meeting 3 weeks ago. After a few exchanges directly after the meeting, all is quiet. He was going to deliver gifts for the kids to my office tomorrow, but just messaged me that he will give them to S22. S22 asked to meet him for lunch. I just messaged “K”. H is probably relieved he doesn’t need to see me. His posts on FB are ominous. Strange. It’s amazing that a few people actually click “Like”. His most recent post… “rock bottom will teach you lessons that mountain tops never will”. I wonder what lessons he is learning, and whether he believes he’s hit rock bottom.

Not for me to worry about.

I know some of you will say “block him”. Not quite there yet. His posts don’t seem to bother me much. I’ll get there some day, I suppose.

D20 has moved back home for now, and will take on-line classes. She needs her mom now, and that’s o.k. She has a lot to work out. I went to a therapy session with her a few weeks ago. She has a lot of anger, mostly towards her dad, but at me too, from how she perceived our expectations of her while growing up. We have decided we could use some sessions with a therapist that specializes in families and maybe divorce. We both want to better our relationship and communication. I think it’s pretty good now, but we need to resolve some of her past hurts. I don’t see any way she will be able to begin the repair with her dad without a therapist. But, that is somewhere in the future.

Several days ago I dreamed about H for the first time that I can remember since he moved out. It was a long dream, but I only remember one bit – we were facing each other, working on a project/task of some sort, and we looked at each other. He gave me a light kiss on the lips, then we went back to our task. I haven’t thought too much about it except in a fleeting way. I liked how the kiss felt in the dream, though. It was just sweet.


I received what I believe is the last piece of info to complete the draft of the marriage settlement agreement. I gave it to my attorney with a few questions, but I don’t think I will do anything with it until after January 1. I’m not heartless, after all, and I think it’s very likely H is having a rough time this week.

Christmas Eve will be just me and the kids – church, a cold buffet supper, and Christmas movies. Sunday we will exchange gifts, and my GF from around the corner will join up for a meal. Another friend plans to come over for some Christmas cheer at some point in the afternoon. Thursday we leave on our much anticipated trip.

My life if full. I’ve come a long way this year, and I am blessed with so much.

Life is good.