Just want to journal a bit on any latest developments. Not too much new.
Went to S4's dental surgery and when I arrived she was in the corner of the waiting room talking all low and sweet into her phone, so I just assume she was talking to her AP (Whom she is now living with). Whatever, didn't even acknowledge it and just mouthed at her asking where S4 was and she pointed to a different part of the waiting room where he was playing with toys. She stayed for long enough for them to take him back to begin the surgery and I sat with her mother in the waiting room for the hour that he was under. It was nice to finally talk face-to-face to her mother and get some closure there, because she definitely sees what is going on now and I can tell she is so disappointed in her daughter. She also informed me that she missed S4 and W staying at their house so they could spend time with their grandson, since W is now living with AP full-time, and S4 is there during the weeks that she has him. We exchange him between us every week.
I am disappointed that in the divorce papers I did not write anything up to prevent her from allowing my son to stay over there overnight. I am almost too drained to even mention that this is going on to anyone in real life now because 99% of people tell me I need to get a lawyer and figure out how to get this taken care of where she cannot do this. Even daycare has told me that my son definitely is err'ing on the side of structure, because during her weeks he seems much more anxious and moody and has even made comments such as "my mommy doesn't love me," and they say during my weeks he is typically much better.
The way I look at it -- with the divorce being finalized in mid-January, what is even the point of trying? Even if I hire a lawyer for thousands of dollars and get something drafted up, she is to the point she would never honor whatever is in the papers anyway. I expressed to her early on that I did not want her affair partner around my son, and she adamantly denied that it was even happening, and that is when the AP texted me himself telling me it was not illegal for him to be around my son in public places and told me how abusive and controlling I was. So I look at any move I try to make with legal action to prevent my son from being around him or staying overnight will just be looked at as one more "controlling" behavior of mine, which will draw the two of them even closer.
I mean there's two scenarios here. 1) Their relationship continues forward and they last for the long-haul and she and my son do both "officially" move in with him in the next few months. Great, more structure on both sides, more people to love and support him. They get married and everyone rides off into the sunset. 2) Their relationship fails in the next few months before it ever becomes seriously long-term. Well, then she goes back to her parent's house with S4 and the problem basically resolves itself. Then a few months later she will find a new guy to latch onto and rinse and repeat the process.
Both scenarios, no matter what efforts or thousands of dollars I try to put into preventing my son from staying overnight -- she is going to do what she wants to do. She has no respect for me whatsoever, any efforts I do make will just be looked at as controlling and revenge. Just curious of anyone else's thoughts on the matter.
Lastly, the holidays are stirring up emotions and stress that haven't reared their head in a good while. With so many days off of work, spending time alone with S4, having to do all of the Santa/Christmas shopping on my own for the first time, it's just been so overwhelming. Honestly I cannot wait until it is all over with. It's been cold and rainy so S4 and I have been stuck inside for days and I keep a constant stress-headache just trying to keep my head above water keeping him entertained, keeping me sane, and keeping up with all of the chores of the household. You don't realize how much more beneficial having someone to tag-team with (or even just vent to) is until you're all alone. That's another point of resentment for me right now towards her because she has her AP to bounce off of.
