I had a good friend tell me that "maybe ww and I were just meant to be friends in the end". She told me this several months ago and at the time I was hurt and angry at the statement. It has stuck with me, and lately, I have pondered the same. Don't get me wrong, I am obviously still in love with her and attached and all of that super fun stuff. BUT, the thought has crossed my mind that I don't know if I / we could ever move past all of the trauma. Furthermore, would I want to try again with someone that could so easily walk away?
It sounds like the advice you gave me applies almost equally to you, "But DUDEtte! She has been treating you like utter garbage. You're awesome, and bold, and creative! Your heart is longing for a committed, stable, and exciting relationship. She is literally screaming at you that she doesn't want any of those things."
Your situation is more complicated since you've been together 7 years. I award you +3 awesomeness points for trying so hard to right the ship despite her active affair! You're right, piecing/reconciling is not easy. It felt like starting anew--except there was tons of baggage, and I was my new self (validating instead of yelling or walking away, organized home, self compassion), and she was her old self (anger, yelling, hanging up).
In retrospect, I don't think I'll try to reconcile again unless the other party is STRONGLY pushing for it (Gee, what DB suggests!) instead of "Sorta" pushing for it.. or there are kiddos involved. It's funny. Each DB lesson is well-written here, and yet they only "click" when personal experience reinforces them, lol!
