I do not want to put any pressure on her but I still feel like my life cannot go on forever like this, I look at the little one smiling and I think "how can this not be a reason to fight? I will change all I have to and keep the confidence but I will reunite my family"
Let's start here. She did not leave your little ones. She left you. I know that's hard to take but it is her truth. In her head, she still has her family. It just does not include you. Understand she did not do this to hurt your children, or even to hurt you, she did it because she thought the family unit was better spit into two. Do not hate her for this. In her head she is doing what is right.
Originally Posted by Paco_19
... my W is still ignoring me even if I try and tell her about the little one being sick
She is not ignoring you. She is listening. I sometimes do this when my H speaks to me. I cannot look at him the emotions raging inside me are so overwhelming and I do not know what will come out of my mouth. Your W is listening. She just can't look at you and she cannot bring herself to engage because she is scared it will lead to an R talk and she does not want that. It is enough that you told her your little one is sick. Trust me, she heard you.
Originally Posted by Paco_19
I talked to the lawyer about changing the separation agreement and I hope I can sit down with her before that all happens. It would feel cold but I already asked her to split children from our R/D.
No - do not talk to her about it. My guess is you want to scare her into coming back. It won't work. It will weaken your resolve, play into your nice guy tendencies and ultimately put you back where you are now - with limited access to your children. Just send it. When it comes to access to children, particularly when the other party is hostile, business like and cordial is better.
Others have said it, but I will reiterate. Do not send the present. Give her a card but don't let it be sentimental. Make it a card you would send to a colleague. "W, hope you have a merry christmas and a happy new year. From Paco"
Originally Posted by Paco_19
The other day on the phone she was asking me not to mention anything about us and she shouted to me that it was incredible how I had destroyed our marriage during 5 years and that I have not changed a little bit ... if I write to her something sincere and loving she will tell me that I am playing psychological games on her, what does she mean by that
This is known as rewriting history. They all do this. When my H was leaving he cherry picked all the bad memories and when I tried to counter with good memories, be turned those into bad ones too. Our getting together in the first place, our engagement, our wedding day, even the births of our children. A few months after he moved out, I asked him (on one of the last R talks we had) how he could do that. How he could destroy our past. He said none of what he said was true, that he regretted nothing about our M. He said I was so demanding of a reason and he had none - so he looked for reasons. Your W is looking at the world from a negative place. She has to justify why she left. They have to be harsh because if they give in even an inch, then that whisper in their heads - 'you are doing the wrong thing' - might become a shout. I know this doesn't make you feel any better, it is soul destroying hearing someone tell you you are the cause of all their misery. But maybe if you understand why, it might make it a little easier.
Nothing u do right now will bring your W back. Focus on yourself and your children.
