Blu, just wanted to thank you for your note about being wary of cookie cutter DB advice. There are guidelines and there are patterns, but I too get tired of seeing frequent posts with the same advice applied to every single situation. In part it's why I've backed off from posting on the boards.
I suppose one reason I don't like that approach is that it leads to posters/LBS to feel if they don't DB "perfectly" they've "failed" and then it's their fault if the M doesn't reconcile. It puts too much pressure on behaviors that are not a recipe for a returning spouse. It does not actually focus on the improvement of the LBS.
Even "GAL" is over prescribed. It is huge, and I absolutely agree that a huge part of becoming a complete and fulfilled person is to find out what really makes you content and gives you drive. But also it's literally all people tell each other to do. What about sitting back and healing for a bit? What about just stopping the constant never-ending train of negative thoughts that swirl in our heads, and learning to just sit and be content while doing nothing? That's so HARD and I think it's a huge part of the healing and moving forward process. It's a balance, and it's nuanced as you so rightly point out.
Anyway, just wanted to cheers to you for saying so. I know you're very well respected here because you've stuck around to post for so long, and there are very few folks who do so. Thank you for that. And for being honest in your own struggles, which don't magically cease if your spouse returns. Thank you for your honesty there as well. I hope you have a very Happy New year and of course Happy Anniversary as well!
