Thank you, Job. I'm thinking I'll wait until he actually files and I am served, because I don't really think he's going to sit down and talk with me about his "offer" or working out an agreement beforehand, and then I'll take the papers to a consult with a lawyer. If he does approach me about working out an agreement before he files, then I'll reassess my approach. It's the waiting and uncertainty that's the worst--as I write that, I realize I shouldn't be "waiting; I'm GAL, but I still feel that next step in the D hovering over me, when it will be officially happening.
It's helpful to remember at any time I can say I'll get back to him. Whatever it is, I don't have to engage with him in the moment if I don't want to.
I find I'm very cool and detached during the week for the most part. I barely see him since he's out late pretty much every night after work, and it's easy to focus on myself. The weekends are harder because he's sometimes around doing laundry. He keeps to his room. He hasn't really tried to make light conversation with me for several weeks now, since just before Thanksgiving and the D talk, since his "I have a new life!" outburst. My goal is always to not let his presence affect how I feel in the house, though I do miss how, a couple of months ago, he might have volunteered a few minutes of conversation. Even though I know it's not helpful, I sometimes tend to think, Is it something I did? Is there something I should be doing now?
Last night I was surprised to find him home eating leftover soup he'd made himself Sunday. I said, "Oh, hey!" in a light, cheerful way, and went about greeting the cats. He did his dishes and was gone until midnight or so. He slept in and was going for a run this morning as I left for work. It seems every time he does something I'd consider normal, like running, I start to think, Does X cancel out all the other weird, alien-H stuff? Does this mean he's not having an MLC? But I guess there can be both uncharacteristic behavior AND a intermittent glimpses of normality at the same time.
