Dear May, Ive been reading your thread all week. I will reply there soon. I have a lot of thoughts on your sitch and I think it is quite similar to mine was 5-6 years ago, however we didn't have a SSM. I do read here most days and follow several people here. I don't post often, but when people ask me for advice specifically, I will go back and try to read from the beginning before replying. I want to think about their sitch specifically and what I can say that might be helpful to them personally. I am not a fan of some of the frequent posters and don't always agree with the same cookie cutter advice being repeated. While there are similarities in all of our sitches, there are also differences, and I think if we keep doling out the same advice, then the subtle variations can get lost in between. I know in my own sitch, those subtleties were what stood us apart and ultimately I think why we led to reconciliation.

H and I hit our 15 year wedding anni this week. I met him 19 years ago this Jan. We sort of blew it on the planning front, however we have something nice planned this evening. Or so I think. We can do better and next year I think should be more mindful of that. We like to be casual and not fancy, but that can also lead to being neglectful of making things special. So this spring will mark 5 years of him returning. I remember us talking about giving it 1-2 solid years of trying. As if we would call it quits after that amount of time if we didn't have enough progress - ha! That makes me laugh out loud! We were so clueless. I would now say that 5 years is a good amount of time to know if a M can be restored and even then we will always be a work in progress. As I see it, people and Ms are continuously evolving and there is always room for improvement. Also, like I said above, there are differences in our sitches. Some of us have endured major trauma that went on for a significant amount of time and others have had a couple normal bumps in the M road. We are not all the same and should not be advised as such!

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela