So I’ve found a bar. Not a place to get drunk or party. Like a little hole in the wall to go play some pool and have a night cap. Think “dukes” from Frasier. Where Marty goes to hang out. I like it quite a bit
So I’ve noticed that all the “moving on” I’ve done. I don’t miss her any more. I enjoy being by myself. I I’m not pinning over her at all. But when I go out and do things by my self. I feel guilty. Like I’m doing something wrong. Is this normal?
So I’ve noticed that all the “moving on” I’ve done. I don’t miss her any more. I enjoy being by myself. I I’m not pinning over her at all. But when I go out and do things by my self. I feel guilty. Like I’m doing something wrong. Is this normal?
Yeah. It takes a few tries alone to adjust to the new normal. Rember you did everything with this person for a certain amount of years, its the attachment that is trying to convict you that you are doing something improper. But please. Im saying this off of current experience, do not date unless you are absolutely sure you are ready to. Don't let you're ego trick or fool you, and maintain the moral high ground. Even though its just a piece if paper or state contract. As the old saying goes, it ain't over until its over. But yes focus on yourself.
when I go out and do things by my self. I feel guilty
There are "things" we should feel guilty about and "things" we should not. During this phase of the process, it is important to get this in alignment. Figure out where the line belongs between doing something that is wrong and doing something that is OK. Going out and playing pool every night is way different than receiving services from a prostitute.
We all make agreements with other people. Are you the one braking the agreement? Did the other person? Has the agreement changed? Only you know what agreements you have.
Personally, I believe you should intentionally be interacting with lots of women. No dating. No intentions on anything intimate. Learning alpha skills. Increasing your social value.
Ultimately it comes down to intentions.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
An observation or maybe a side effect of DBing. Confidence. Higher self esteem at work and at home. I desire to gal more. (Not with a prostitute R2C. Really??!??HAHAHA). I’m just enjoying myself. As in I enjoy time to myself and time alone.
So I took a page out of Steve’s book. We are driving back from Christmas with her family and I say. “Wow, I just realized that will be the last time we go over there together for Christmas”.
She asked “what do you mean?” “Uh you know. This time next year...” “Oh yea.....that”. She replied
Then she quickly changed the subject.
I realized I was totally ok with whatever her response was. I just feel content I can tell one thing. She enjoys my company lately. I’m not saying it means anything. Just an observation.
Oh and PS.
I stand up to her now when she is wrong about something. Not in a rude way at all. Just in a firm I’m a man and won’t be pushed around kinda way. The funny thing is. There was only minor backlash at first. Now she respects me more
LH is right. I would advise against what I did. In my case, when I said that Christmas of 2017 after BD, I caught her in one her "not sure cycles". So her response of backpedaling and saying she had hoped not to say anything until after the holidays, and that she hoped by then the feeling of wanting out would go away, was not typical. Oz as you found her response was different.
I also phrased mine differently. "Wow, I just realized that this will be the last time I get together with your family for Christmas." The way you worded yours I could see why she was confused at first.
Not sure of your dynamic with her family, but my W's family adores me. In fact, I said the above as we were getting ready to head to dinner with her family. After dinner her 97 yearold grandmother hugged me and went on a long diatribe about what a great husband and father I am, how lucky my W was to have me, and that she prays for me all the time. Right in front of my W.
To put this all in perspective, later that week was when my wife went into the bathroom for 2 1/2 hours and was taking and sending nude photos to OM.
So no don't temp check unless you're ready to have your grapes squashed.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
