I think I’m really beginning to feel the shift. I also think I feel my time might finally be coming.
I’m advocating for myself for sure. I’m done trying to “keep” a guy around, ignoring red flags and not walking away when a guy takes me granted or makes me feel like less.
With M, I did know he wasn’t for me. I did t have with him what I had with the other guys.... M just seemed like the more practical mature choice on paper. Lived close, single parents, had jobs, etc. but that special intimacy wasn’t there. He wasn’t really even aware of me. I’m kind of sad I wasted a year. But I was happy for some of it. I loved the feeling of being with him and his family. And I got a chance to love his son. Not all was lost. But really, he was not for me.
I’ve been recommitted to the my exercise classes. I go twice a week, which is my membership, but I want to go more. It makes me feel really good. My eating isn’t all that hot yet, the holidays are killing me, but I’m trying.
I also realized I need to love myself as is. I told myself I wanted to look hot in a bikini for my 40th birthday. And the. I was like “really? That’s my goal?! How about to be good with who I am and what I’ve achieved and just be happy and content with me and where I am in my life?” I don’t think m that could be measured by looking hot in a bikini. I’m happy enough to feel my endurance coming back and getting towards fit again,
My goals are changing for myself. Evolving. I hope that when I hop back onto online dating, that it is reflected and comes back around to me.
