I guess because you weren't posting as much I got the impresson H's snide comments had lessoned. And perhaps they had for a while, and I simply didn't know about these more recent stressors.
Originally Posted by Flysolo
He is scared because this comfy little arrangement we have where he gets to have his cake and eat it too is ending and I, well I am scared that this comfy little arrangement where I get to have my cake and eat it too is ending.
This is so insightful. Most of what you write is very insightful. You know what your triggers are, you know that you shut down. I really feel like that's the biggest battle - knowing your own weaknesses. Most people truly are not self aware in this way. And perhaps it's just that you can't change these patterns until the situation changes. And I completely hear you with the fear of the unknown, and losing comfort.
I get it. I agree with you. I still am resistent to changes that take away some of my comfort level and my sense of safety. But when I was absolutely FORCED to face my worst fears and leave my comfort zone - everything turned out okay. It was not what I wanted, but my behaviors have changed because my scenerio changed. I was forced into it, but I'm a happier, healthier, better version of Yail than I was 1.5 years ago.
It's the resistence that makes it that much harder. You can't see what's next, and we can't make it easier for you, but if I can do anything for you it's just to say that for me the other side is greener. I just had no idea what it would look like.
I don't like that he is responding so strongly to the tension and blaming you. How much interaction are the two of you having? I know you're coparenting, but are there ways to back off interacting with him? To change the dynamic between the two of you it has to come from you, he's not going to change - he just wants to pick,pick,pick. And I'm thinking the best way for you to change the dynamic is to take a break from it. Is that possible?
I'm thinking of you. I'm so sorry this is an especially tough time. May I recommend some cross stitch to relax? I think we're both a fan of the snarky phrases. Why not make a pretty decoration for your bedroom wall that makes you smile? Maybe not snarky. Maybe the "We are the granddaughters of witches you couldn't burn" just to make you feel powerful?
