I keep starting to respond to this and I keep getting distracted. hopefully this one makes the cut.
[quote = Yail] Oh FS, that is a big change. I'm so sorry for your change in employment. I hope that in the long run this turns into one of those happy accidents which leads you into a different employment path you just simply can't see yet. [/quote]
It's OK. Something will come up. It may not be as much money and it might be more work. But I have faith. I'm not sure about the house situation. He seems to have shut down about it other than the occasional snide comment about 'how I should have seen this coming', 'should have taken other jobs that were offered this year' and 'I'll need to learn to budget like normal people'. I will see what happens in the new year, hopefully I won't have to sell, but I am Ok if I have to.
Originally Posted by Yail
... Taking the step of selling the house without having a real conversation is sweeping everything under the rug, and
Yep - that seems to be our MO. He periodically throws a bomb in "we need to talk about the house", "we need to discuss the separation", "we need to formalise childcare" then running and not mentioning it again for months. I know his triggers though - anytime I say no to some request or I make a demand - so am more prepared for it these days. And me, well, we get drummed into us so strongly at the start not to have an R conversation, I would not know how to initiate one if I tried. Plus, Im an emotional distancer, so building walls is my go to response when faced with an emotional situation.
Originally Posted by Yail
it sounds like H has been more calm these days. His response seemed to indicate so.
See above re snide comments. These have escalated in recent weeks (due to my unemployment status and the threat to his security).
I wish we could have the conversation you describe above. But things are happening with D13, my current work situation, Christmas and the fact that our mortgage deal is up in a few months are making things very tense. The bottled up anger inside him is slowly rising just waiting for an outlet.
I'm scared Yail. Things are coming to a head and I don't know if I trust where it is going. Neither of us are in the right place. He is scared because this comfy little arrangement we have where he gets to have his cake and eat it too is ending and I, well I am scared that this comfy little arrangement where I get to have my cake and eat it too is ending. Scared people say and do stupid things. We listen to the little voice in our head saying attack before s/he hurts you.
