Hi folks, it's been awhile since I posted last. It takes me time to build the nerve to vent openly.
Brief summary: Wife mother battles / wins cancer 3-4 years ago. Wife takes it hard Within last 4 years she rebels with 4 tatoos, occasional partying / flirting, addiction to shopping / working out / trying to stay youthful. Dec 18 - Jan 19 - 2 Months of EA Feb 19 BD - ILYBNILWY, not soulmates, no romantic feelings / passion, never had feelings for you etc. Feb to Aug - Wife depressed, withdrawals from everything Aug - she comes around a bit, vacation with kids is amazing, sex Sep - Oct - feels like reconnecting, she is friendly, doing nice things for me, even more sex Nov - she is somewhat reconnecting but shows signs of depression again. Last 3 weeks - Depression signs come and go. She is back to distracting herself with podcasts, music, working out etc. There were times that it felt like Feb to Aug
I can really see the moments where she is battling something. When we drink she has brought up past issues that I already knew about. Her father was very very strict and stubborn. He definitely created issues within her in her early years. Teenage years were worse. Once if found out she was no longer a virgin he stopped talking to her. She literally said that they spent a year keeping to themselves in different rooms and saying 2 words to each other a day. What gets me is this is exactly what she did to me for 6 months.
I absolutely appreciate the last 4 months but she is moving very slowly. She will not address anything, no affection except for buying me whatever I need / want.
I can tell she is in pain and deep thought about things, but she also works hard to avoid this with working out, loud music, podcasts etc, wine. The worst is that the shopping addiction has not stopped. I think the last 2 months have been getting worse. I am struggling on how to deal with this. It's her credit card / her debt. I'm scared that this will cause more emotional issues for her to deal with.
I have been trying hard to make our house and relationship a safe place. It's really hard to watch her go through this and of course it's even harder to manage my personal analysis / paralysis.
She talks about future things in terms of kids, house, vacations etc. She even mentioned wanting a pet and then 2 weeks later changed her mind. She talks about wanting a different job, one that fits her introverted personality.
I do believe she recognizes she has issues but she stopped seeing the therapist in September because the sessions ran out.
There are so many times that I would love to talk about us or my feelings of frustration with this whole ordeal. It would be nice to not think about this 90% of the day, but that is my issue.
Looking forward to Christmas, it is her favorite time of year. It would be nice to feel a little affection from her but my expectation is a zero.
