First, I completely agree that bringing up this concern in front of his IC is a great step. Showing that you can do so calmly and respectfully in front of his IC may be very helpful, especially for his IC. Also I think having a specific episode to discuss is really helpful to focus a session. I think it's a great idea.
Second, it's really hard for me not to mind-read your H reading the above. It sounds to me like he is trying really hard to hold it together, but maybe he has some resentment which he can't always bottle up and it comes out in the form of these weird outbursts. Regardless, I think his behavior is extremely disrespectful, especially given you are trying to work through a difficult period of your MR. Honestly I am pretty angry on your behalf reading your post. His family is "disgusted" by you? These outbursts betray an emotional immaturity that he needs to work on.
I think a few months ago I mentioned that it's easy to change the outward-facing behaviors, but the underlying attitudes, thoughts, and feelings are the ones that are hard to change. It seems like your H has done some work to change the behaviors. These episodes seem to indicate the underlying attitudes, etc., may still be the same... there is no other explanation I can come up with for the bizarre outbursts.
Ever hear of the game Hero-Victim-Villain? You have chosen to stop playing the game. Your H continues to play. He views you as the Victim and himself as the Villain. As long as anybody is playing the game, the relationship suffers.
