What are your thoughts on Christmas gatherings at her families home. I think I should stay away. They continually encourage me to just 'love her" but they don;t understand. You can't just "love her back". I am ready to just shut this all down.
This is a tough one, if you didn't have kids I wouldn't hesitate to suggest you have separate Christmases with your own families. But even though I'm a proponent of tough love with waywards, I'm an even bigger proponent of uniting in support of the kids. And that may mean joint Christmas activities. If you do go then don't try to pretend to be a happy couple, just stay focused on the kids. If you don't go, well that's OK too. Maybe you don't go this year and just see how things are with her next year.
