Curtis, you are very frustrating! Look, I know you want to save your M. You DESPERATELY want to save it, just like so many of us do or did. The problem is you are so desperate that you are ignoring DR and all of the advice and going with your instincts. Unfortunately when dealing with a WAS and especially with a WW, your instincts are very wrong. Your WW has no respect for you and you think you can regain her respect by begging, pleading, threatening D, hanging onto her horse so she has to come over, placating her, getting angry with her, etc. You can't "nice" her back. You can't "mean" her back. You can't "negotiate" her back. None of it works. It just never does.
You may think you know better because you know your W better than we do, but we know WW's better than you do and right now she's not your W, she's a full-blown WW. If you want any chance at recon then you've got to quit listening to your instincts and start DB'ing. Give her time and space. Quit snooping.
Why do you keep snooping? You already know she's had multiple affairs, how in the world did you find out she's sending nude selfies when she doesn't even live with you? Because you were snooping. Give it up! You're separated, you can't control her. She can have guys over every night and share nudes all day without your consent. It's morally wrong but it's not illegal.
You fight for your M by not fighting. You fight for it by becoming the better option. You become the better option by making yourself strong and independent to the point that you don't need her or any other woman in your life to function and be happy. Go read or reread Steve's thread, and TXHubby's, and Joe's. They all started out being needy and desperate just like you. They didn't recon until AFTER they stopped that behavior and fully detached. Their W's all had to beg them to recon, and they did it grudgingly. That was how detached they were, and how detached you need to be.
