Our relationship can be described as one sided. Out of the two of us, I am the more romantic person and have no problems expressing my affection. My partner on the other hand can be described as “hot and cold” when it comes to the relationship. Some days she is warm and affectionate but then other days she is cold and distant.
This is a lot like my current girlfriend. We've been dating 5 years now and she runs very hot and very cold. Like Alison mentioned, learning about the pursuit/ distance dynamic may help you. I know it has helped me with my GF. It's human nature to pursue when people distance, but that only makes them want more distance so they run away even faster. So then you pursue even harder which just makes it worse. You can only break the cycle by doing the OPPOSITE of what you think you should do. When she distances, then you pull back yourself. The distancer will stop distancing, and with time will start pursuing. So yes, time and space is what you need to give her right now.
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Because of this, whenever she is cold, I often bring it up and asked for her to be more affectionate.
This is exactly what I mean, she distances and you pursue. Try doing the opposite. When she distances don't ask her about it, just pull back and leave her alone.
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It often didn’t go well because she’ll get upset and shut herself down.
Right, because the more you pursue the more trapped she feels.
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Hoping once we’re married everything will be better (she explained to me that she can only show 100% of her affection once we’re married.
A lot of people get married with huge expectations that the other person will change from a troubled boyfriend/girlfriend into the perfect spouse. It NEVER EVER happens. She is who she is and you need to learn to love her just the way she is.
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To be honest, after the wedding everything was fine. We were both loving and I was content with everything. The first few days were blissful. It baffles me how she broke down and gave up on everything just like that.
It may be temporary, don't lose hope just yet. Give her time and space and be very patient with her. If she reaches out to you then be there for her, but don't try to force yourself on her (I don't mean in the physical sense, I mean to give her space).
