I have been concentrating on the good the last few days. We have been preparing for Christmas. H has been happy and affectionate with the kids and with me: he brought breakfast in bed this morning and we have plans to take the kids out on a special festive trip later this week. My family will be around for Christmas and I know he's not going to find that comfortable, but he agreed to it and he hasn't complained or been PA about it. He also expressed to me what he'd need in the run-up and afterwards (some decompression time) which is fair and reasonable and it feels good that he's expressing what he needs in a positive way.
I am going to his IC with him in a couple of days. Not sure how to approach it. I want to listen, mainly, and I do feel a bit intimidated and self-projective (which is wise). If there's an opportunity to discuss any of my needs, it would be to do with his communication style - his tendency to attack, blame or withdraw whenever I ask for anything. I don't feel I ever get 'heard' in our relationship, and the peace we've had recently is as much to do with me asking for less or nothing at all than it is to do with him listening. I'd like to raise that, and I am afraid to - given that when he feels criticised (even mildly, no matter how I phrase things) it's generally quite unpleasant and we are on the run up to Christmas. But I don't want to be a doormat any more. I will listen and go gently and see what happens. Does anyone with experience of MC after a separation have any suggestions for me?
