The answer to this one is going to sound counter-intuitive, and it is....just like most of the advice in DBing. But the answer to this one is DO NOT LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Back in the 80s a group of psychologist did and experiment. They took people that were sad and depressed, and had them force themselves to smile. Guess what, what they found is that when you do that you move muscles in your face that you only use when you are happy, and it triggered endorphins to be released in the brain and people felt happier. You see Sense of humor, and you think "I am too said to be humorous". In reality it is exactly because you are sad that you should be humorous!!!
The answer to this one is going to sound counter-intuitive, and it is....just like most of the advice in DBing. But the answer to this one is DO NOT LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Back in the 80s a group of psychologist did and experiment. They took people that were sad and depressed, and had them force themselves to smile. Guess what, what they found is that when you do that you move muscles in your face that you only use when you are happy, and it triggered endorphins to be released in the brain and people felt happier. You see Sense of humor, and you think "I am too said to be humorous". In reality it is exactly because you are sad that you should be humorous!!!
I'd love to see the cite for this.
I realize this came of snarky. I didn't mean it as such. I was just curious if you had more information.
The answer to this one is going to sound counter-intuitive, and it is....just like most of the advice in DBing. But the answer to this one is DO NOT LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Back in the 80s a group of psychologist did and experiment. They took people that were sad and depressed, and had them force themselves to smile. Guess what, what they found is that when you do that you move muscles in your face that you only use when you are happy, and it triggered endorphins to be released in the brain and people felt happier. You see Sense of humor, and you think "I am too said to be humorous". In reality it is exactly because you are sad that you should be humorous!!!
I'd love to see the cite for this.
I realize this came of snarky. I didn't mean it as such. I was just curious if you had more information.
I've read this from several sources. I used to throw my arms up in the air and yell "YES" for like 2 or 3 min before I walked in the house if I knew my W would be there. It worked for me.
It gets your mind in a good spot and your attitude shows.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
The answer to this one is going to sound counter-intuitive, and it is....just like most of the advice in DBing. But the answer to this one is DO NOT LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Back in the 80s a group of psychologist did and experiment. They took people that were sad and depressed, and had them force themselves to smile. Guess what, what they found is that when you do that you move muscles in your face that you only use when you are happy, and it triggered endorphins to be released in the brain and people felt happier. You see Sense of humor, and you think "I am too said to be humorous". In reality it is exactly because you are sad that you should be humorous!!!
I'd love to see the cite for this.
I realize this came of snarky. I didn't mean it as such. I was just curious if you had more information.
I've read this from several sources. I used to throw my arms up in the air and yell "YES" for like 2 or 3 min before I walked in the house if I knew my W would be there. It worked for me.
It gets your mind in a good spot and your attitude shows.
This also works with calming yourself before going home if you are anxious.
Stop. Take 4 slow deep breaths. Re-center yourself. It has something to do with the increased oxygen to your brain. Same idea with the endorphins from laughing.
One other thing that's helped me - Vitamin supplement 5HTP. Some people don't think supplements do anything. I find it does for me. Even if it's just psychological, I really don't care - I feel better when I'm taking it.
I heard of both the smiling and saying yes technics. Both appear proven to work from articles I read. Neither work here but maybe because I don't think they will work? CBD oil however has been huge for me. Expensive though, that and therapy.
Journaling here: Continuing to stay in limbo. W has started no relationship chats nor shown a sign of starting mediation or divorce papers. W has been acting pleasant toward me. Initiating chats, and asked how my day was for the first time since BD. She is acting happy, which is easier on me. Not sure if I haven't fully detached or its just nicer having someone not be miserable in the house. I am starting to feel like contact may have been cut with OM or maybe they went deeper underground. I came across some cryptic old notes from her college days and if I'm understanding correctly, OM left her for another woman. If thats true, I cant fathom why thats the guy she breaks apart her family to go back to.
I'm feeling good overall. Looking back in shape like my 20s, the physical strength no where near but thats not what I'm going for. While kick boxing, I kicked higher than my head for the first time in my adult life. Happy with myself doing that! Anxiety and anger mostly going away. Its like a forward spiral, some days I go backwards but not as far as in the past. Yesterday the anger hit after cleaning up things and just realizing how much I did for the house, family and relationship. I realize financially that I have to stay in purgatory for potentially 1-2 years here, and will need to get a 2nd job if D happens.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
I'm dense here LH, I read up on it and don't get it. Maybe half get it. I see how I'm kind of obsessed with her but its more like I'm obsessed with my kids having at least some years of a stable childhood. As painful as every ones sitchs are, I'm almost jealous of the MLCers who had many years of quality family life. No offense to you all out there, I know its hard for us all.
I just cant fathom why the process hasn't started yet. If it can take months to years for a D to be finalized. We could still live together to survive if need be even if we divorced or separated...so why won't she start the process? Not saying I like that option but it would not be much different (in living arrangements) compared to where we are now except that I could pursue other relationships when/if I'm ready and she could pursue OM without the guilt, lies and secrets.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
I'm dense here LH, I read up on it and don't get it. Maybe half get it. I see how I'm kind of obsessed with her but its more like I'm obsessed with my kids having at least some years of a stable childhood. As painful as every ones sitchs are, I'm almost jealous of the MLCers who had many years of quality family life. No offense to you all out there, I know its hard for us all.
I just cant fathom why the process hasn't started yet. If it can take months to years for a D to be finalized. We could still live together to survive if need be even if we divorced or separated...so why won't she start the process? Not saying I like that option but it would not be much different (in living arrangements) compared to where we are now except that I could pursue other relationships when/if I'm ready and she could pursue OM without the guilt, lies and secrets.
This post screams needing IC.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Thanks Steve...how so? I'm not saying that I want to live with us divorced or separated under the same roof, only that living arrangement wise, its almost no different than things are now. In her mind we seem divorced and in mine I'm detaching. Already separated emotionally, just not legally and financially. The more I self improve, the more ugly this limbo feels.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
