The happiness has to come from within, but he thinks if he leaves the marriage, he will find a happier situation. It really is all so sad. It is like watching a train wreck.
Thanks, Woosa and HesAble, for commiserating with me. I've been reading your threads and will continue to follow your journeys as well. I'm sorry you both find yourselves here, too! Totally like watching a train wreck, and my H seems to be speeding faster and faster.
After being gone all night pretty much every night for weeks, he was home Sunday night and Monday night, not really interacting with me, but home. His energy wasn't as angry, but it felt tense, even though I was in a good mood, determined to not let his presence mess with my PMA. We cooked separate meals in the kitchen Sunday night. He had his headphones on as usual (they were already on when I got home, and I even ran into him in the store the other day and he had them on while he shopped). He was also making the cake he makes every year for a friend at work. At the end of the night he was making the frosting, and he let me taste it.
"It's not very good," he said.
"I think it's good, really creamy!" I said.
"I messed up the cake too," he said.
I think it was a little vulnerable for him to share his disappointment with me.
Sometimes it makes me feel... I don't know if better is the right word, but I'm better able to detach from the sitch when he exhibits what seems to be "classic" MLCer behavior, e.g. his "I have a new life!" tantrum a couple weeks ago. It reminds me that this crisis is only partly about our marriage, and it drives home the "I didn't break him, so I can't fix him" mantra. But then I'm like—wait, why do I feel better that it seems to be MLC, when it means this could go on for much longer than WAH?
On the rare occasions when he's home for an extended period and acting happy, but just cold/distant around me, it does still get to me a little, though a lot less than it used to.
My plan going forward is to continue to not really engage him in any convos, even brief ones, and to let him come to me. But since I expect him to file in January, we will have to start talking about mediation, etc. at some point. I'm not looking forward to that, because I already know the story he's telling himself is that I want to control the process like I've always controlled his life, and he's not going to want me to ask for anything.
