This is a gift

[rooskers]

What if - and this is a big what if - you delayed all of this until after the holidays? Is there really an urgent need to solve every single thing at this time of year?

Set aside the custody issue. Perhaps I can negotiate that on the side.

I have a friend who delayed the divorce after moving out and while not exactly the same sitch it was similar. He went to court and because of the routine established, the fact he moved out, and the abuse allegations he now gets to see his children every other weekend and lunch on Wednesday once a month. He has gone back to court to get the parenting time changed to 50/50 and has lost every time because the judge did not want to disturb the children's routine. She has remarried and my friends children call the new guy dad and consider my friend as more of an uncle. There is nothing he can do about it and he has already spent well over $100,000 fighting the system. I am all for DB and for holding out for reconciliation until it causes the relationship with your children to become permanently harmed. If you divorce you don't have to become hostile and angry. Let your lawyer know what you want and he fights in court for it, meanwhile you can still treat your wife with respect and make the changes you would have in normal DB.

This is not about boundaries with your wife or making her face consequences, it is about protecting your rights as a father. It seems like in many sitches here the WAS hurts the LBS in all sorts of ways but leaves the children out of it but there are a few where you see the LBS losing not only the marriage but much of their rights as a parents as well.