I get what you are driving at. D is one way to solve my problem, but not the only way.
Set aside the custody issue. Perhaps I can negotiate that on the side.
The house issue entangles this mess. If we were both renting, I would propose a financial separation, where I route my paycheck to my own account, then pay her a monthly support payment. Then our money isn't mixed. Problem solved.
But with the house it is a mess. What do we do about the mortgage? I am a co-owner of the house. Do we say that the principal pay-down is not part of the support payment? What about property taxes? She thinks she is doing me a favor by maintaining the house, for instance.
It's complicated and messy. She won't go back to work until she determines if she can keep the house. This seems excessive - she only plans to work one day per week, so I don't see how a potential house sale should prevent her from working. I know what my maximum support payment in a D would be, and I know how I propose to split our assets (50/50, but also take into account that I brought in a substantial asset base pre-MR). Unless her friends or family gift her money, she can't keep it. It's not even close. She would need maybe 300K to materialize out of thin air. We could barely afford it when I did live there.
I have not wanted to be the person to tell her she can't keep the house. It will come off as controlling. But she has asked a few times. Maybe I should just say what I think.
Anyways, I guess my point is... a financial separation would give me some peace of mind. Accomplishing that while owning an unaffordable house is not possible. So my alternative is to push to sell the house and financially separate. At which point, we may as well just D.
