Ask yourself if it is the actual primary "need" in this case that your children receive individual attention, or is it your guilt and shame and low self-esteem talking?
I'm letting push me around due to guilt. I see it I don't know how to stop it. I'm so codependent I'm afraid of losing them, of being alone, I feel tremendous guilt and shame over what I've done, I'm afraid if I say no then WAH will use this against me to take them from me.
Quote
Convene a family night, got them together, do something fun. And don't take no for an answer, even from S19. If he is being difficult, you need to take the lead as his parent and facilitate he and your daughter figuring things out. Requiring them both to come to a fun family night might be a good start.
This week D14 wants to come over for dinner and I'm dreading it because of D17 and S19. They are used to getting their way (last 8 months) and I'm afraid of the backlash. I am becoming aware of this.
WAH can't be alone either so he tries to buy the kids love. I think he tries to have an actual R with them but without the space to figure this out his focus is more self serving. I do not live in a glass house. My kids tell me early on they knew I was faking it. That it was all about me not them. They say over time it evolved into something real. Lots of work to do yes but I am making progress.
Quote
And take gingers advice and get some professional help, for you and for your family. it [censored] that mental health services are so poorly covered by health plans, trust me, I know, but You really can't afford not to. And ultimately, hopefully you can stick your husband with some (or all) of the bill
