It's over. How do I live without him?

[hoosjim]

It is so, so, and laudable that you want to make up for the neglect that your children previously suffered. Children do need to know that their parents love them. however, I disagree with your thesis as to why they necessarily need individual is opposed to group attention. Your goal should be to create good, happy, memories with them, and you can do that just as easily with them as a group, and, as a bonus, you're giving attention to multiple children at the same time. When you group them together, you by definition have more time with all of them. Also, by doing things as a group, you avoid the trap of either you, OR any of them, worrying that someone got more attention or love than the other one. If no one gets left out, then no one gets left out. Attention is attention. While yes, at times it is nice to get one on one with the children, it is important to remember that you are a FAMILY and NOT merely a conglomeration of one-on-one relationships. Family that plays together stays together. Ask yourself if it is the actual primary "need" in this case that your children receive individual attention, or is it your guilt and shame and low self-esteem talking?

Convene a family night, got them together, do something fun. And don't take no for an answer, even from S19. If he is being difficult, you need to take the lead as his parent and facilitate he and your daughter figuring things out. Requiring them both to come to a fun family night might be a good start. Make some topics off-limits at the beginning, if you have to, but get them together and be the PARENT. They're your children, and they look up to you, even though they are growing up. Set the tone, especially if your husband is doing a crappy job of it.

And take gingers advice and get some professional help, for you and for your family. it [censored] that mental health services are so poorly covered by health plans, trust me, I know, but You really can't afford not to. And ultimately, hopefully you can stick your husband with some (or all) of the bill