Sandi's Reflections - Part 3

[Pack_19]

Hi Sandi,

First of all thanks a lot for all your threads and comments, I must have read some of them twice.

I recently separated and we were living in a foreign country. She claimed our marriage was dead because I neglected her and focused on work to provide for our two children S1 and S6. She has moved to the city we are both originally from with the children. I know for sure there is no OM. Here are some things I heard at home:

> I dont love you and I dont want to be with you
> It is all your fault, you need to change and we will see what the future brings as I cannot predict it
> I do not trust you and I do not trust you can change
> I dont like the man you have turned into
> You ruined my life and my dream of a joint family

She threatened me with some harsh things I wont quote and got me to sign an agreement that assumes I was to stay in the foreign country and then visit every 15 days.

It's only been 2 months since she moved out, I have managed to relocate with work to be in the country we are originally from and hence I can push to have the agreement modified. Here is the question. I am all for saving my marriage and I want to avoid conflict but I can get a lawyer to fight for a new agreement that covers me and the children. I had given myself a deadline to do this and it is not yet but she keeps preventing me from seeing the children if outside of my visiting time even now that I am on holidays and 3 streets away from her.

Also, we never went to MC or similar and she claims she has done everything and has a clean mind. She did complain to me many times but I withdrew like an idiot, I am working on making the changes GAL and LRT but how can I get to her if all I get is contempt, ignorance and space?

I am 200% up for saving my marriage, I know her, what she has said and I genuinely think we can fix this but all I get is pressure from outsiders telling me how idiot I am I cannot see she has built a life for herself without me and is pushing for me to be a pension and a visiting father. Not only do I need to remain calm and confident, work on myself and fight to keep my mind from thinking about my failed marriage, I also need to fight external pressure that sees me as the hanged- up-poor-in-love-thing. How I can get to her? How can I make her see I can change for real and bring her happiness? that I am now the lighthouse for her family. I have always been a great father and I have a brilliant career (we were buying our first house in this foreign country) but I took my marriage for granted.

I am very concerned about my children, now is when they need me the most and I can only be there every 15 days.

Thanks a lot and keep up the great work you all do, this site is my new man cave.