I have the same thoughts about timing. Keep in mind we agreed to this over 2 months ago.
We agreed to D at end of September. It’s been dragged out. I am spending probably 3-4K/mo more than I would post-D. I am seeing my kids less than I want.
I empathize with my W’s situation, but I’ve been doing so at the expense of my own. I am ready to move on. I do think she will cling on to this lifestyle as long as she can and it’s not healthy for either of us... because it does not represent what a post-D life will look like. She does need to face the consequences.
Now if somehow we could fix the custody and money issue, of course I wouldn’t be pushing D. At the same time, I don’t see how this is possible. For instance, she refuses to go back to work until she determines if she can keep the house. In my mind this is a ridiculous position, but she doesn’t want to be working one day a week while also trying to stage a house for sale. Ok, I can empathize with that, while also believing it is not a very fair position. I work full time and have weekdays with the kids. I am sacrificing. Her life has barely changed other than me moving out, and me having the kids 4 days every 2 weeks.
DB can be very appealing to a NG. I often confuse empathy with people pleasing. The fact is, I haven’t enjoyed being my W’s partner for 2 years. She is controlling and unwilling to communicate. She bends rules. I am not perfect. But I need to protect myself now. If she changes, maybe I will still have the door open. Continuing in these circumstances is not healthy for me. Or my kids. I want to be able to build a life, and not sit waiting idly while my money and time with the kids are sucked away.
