Do not trust her as yet. She will succumb. for all intents and purposes she is a drug addict, addicted to the chemical release in her brain that her infactuation causes. Expect her to fail, it is normal for them to fail, she could fail several times, she will be unable to help herself, until her brain resets.
Honestly, try thinking of her as a drug addict or an alcoholic. In any case, you have to walk your path forward and I do not mean filing. Filing will do nothing for you, it might give you a short term satisfaction, but that will wear off fast. You have to carry on improving yourself, being the best man you can be.
Your wife might be starting to feel the pain of ruining your relationship, but ATM the her pain of losing her beau trumps that pain. And that will remain so for at least a month or two.
Give it time. Do not throw in the towel on the first set-back, and setbacks there will be.
Stay strong buddy...
Thanks Vapo, I read Curtis7's posts. Man I surely do not want to be doing that for a year. I know I can let go. I'm strong enough to let go but I have to fully do it. My actions have been all over the place and probably set me back due to me pressuring her and trying to manipulate the situation. Truth is I have not control of the outcome and only control myself.
In her letter she clearly states her doubts that I will want to be with her in the future. She claims to be fine with it but this suggest "her own doubts". I can decipher enough from the letter to know that she is hesitant about being married and us working this out. I think the counseling is just a ploy to TRY. No need to TRY when I know that i will need for her to be CERTAIN. Certain isn't coming anytime soon.
Problem is that when trying to go dark it doesn't work unless you are completely fine with it. WW's can sense it and pick up on it. Best thing I could have done is after reading her letter, " I appreciate the letter now please let me go to sleep, I am tired. Have a good night." No instead I give her a hug, which implies I'm still on the hook and Plan B for the future.
This morning I mentioned discussing terms and boundaries and she had the balls to suggest she had some term and boundaries as well because we wouldn't be going back to the same marriage we had before. I simply said, I have been trying to say that from day 1. Our old marriage is dead. I have told her this several times before.
I think its time to see a good IC for myself. I need the structure and help with making myself stronger and finding happiness within myself. Once that is done I will be better for future relationships if my marriage doesn't work out.
