Battling Forward Part2

[Core]

I heard of both the smiling and saying yes technics. Both appear proven to work from articles I read. Neither work here but maybe because I don't think they will work? CBD oil however has been huge for me. Expensive though, that and therapy.

Journaling here:
Continuing to stay in limbo. W has started no relationship chats nor shown a sign of starting mediation or divorce papers. W has been acting pleasant toward me. Initiating chats, and asked how my day was for the first time since BD. She is acting happy, which is easier on me. Not sure if I haven't fully detached or its just nicer having someone not be miserable in the house. I am starting to feel like contact may have been cut with OM or maybe they went deeper underground. I came across some cryptic old notes from her college days and if I'm understanding correctly, OM left her for another woman. If thats true, I cant fathom why thats the guy she breaks apart her family to go back to.

I'm feeling good overall. Looking back in shape like my 20s, the physical strength no where near but thats not what I'm going for. While kick boxing, I kicked higher than my head for the first time in my adult life. Happy with myself doing that! Anxiety and anger mostly going away. Its like a forward spiral, some days I go backwards but not as far as in the past. Yesterday the anger hit after cleaning up things and just realizing how much I did for the house, family and relationship. I realize financially that I have to stay in purgatory for potentially 1-2 years here, and will need to get a 2nd job if D happens.