There's no judgement here Kas. We are all different stages of getting through this.
I don't think that you love one child more than the other. D10 is much easier to love than D13. I love them both the same though. When D13 looks at me with utter hatred, or worse, disappointment. I have wanted to shout "go live with your dad". We are human - not robots that can take untold amounts of sh!t and still come out looking like some sort of all knowing buddha. Forgive yourself. Tomorrow is another day. A chance to wipe the slate clean and reset your intentions.
You said before that your children feel safe talking to you but that it is a double edged sword and you feel like you are being ganged up on. What is it they say that makes you feel ganged up on? Are you strong enough to separate the feeling of being attacked and focus instead on what they are saying and not necessarily how they are saying it?
