Hey man, just chiming in. I'll keep it short cause you are getting good advice here.
1). Yes, take it SLOW. She is starting to show signs of remorse and of missing you and fear of losing her family, but the turn does not happen overnight. Her ACTIONS will be more important than her words. I hope sandi2 decides to chime in here at some point as this is a crucial time for both of you
2) Don't let up on your GALs and 180s
3) Good boundaries suggested by JoJo. I would add, additionally, that she should be undergoing individual counseling as well, as one of your preconditions.
4) Be prepared for false starts and backsliding, and know ahead of time how you'll react. My W and I had 2 false starts once she first started turning.
5) The cord-cutting from OM has GOT to be done in your presence and, yes, even if she says she's already done it. She has to prove it to you right now. (Though I am with the others here that dragging over to see him in person is a very bad idea.) Let her pick the medium... Phone, email, text, whatever... But you need to be present and the brush off has to be definitive: "what we did was wrong, I want my marriage with bb, don't ever try to contact either of us again...if you do we'll consider it harassment and call the police". If she can't be that definitive, that strident... If she is too worried about hurting OM...she isn't ready. If she calls, you can chime in at some point with a "stay away" or whatever. My W beat around the bush on this one and I was not insistent enough the first coupla false starts. It was only when she "hit bottom" feared losing me and kids, that she did such a good job of "get lost" message. Right after wards, we both changed our cell numbers.
6) The letter might be a good sign. Committing her sins to paper, where, presumably, you could show them to anyone, including a judge, is a big step for a ww... For my W it was a huge step and I never saw such a letter until she was fully remorseful and ready to commit to the MR, ...But it's just a step.
7) Don't take her back too quickly/easily, but don't miss an opportunity to get her on the right track, either...(really wish Sandi or artista would chime in here) Her words, here, and some of her actions are promising. No harm, I think, and even some virtue in acknowledging that to her and saying you appreciate it, even as you let her know she still has work to do to prove herself.
Last edited by hoosjim; 12/17/1907:53 AM.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
