Newlywed and in crisis

[funbun]

Hello, I am new to this site and have been reading around for two weeks now. Like most people in this site, I have problems of my own and I figured it's time I get help. So please, hear my story.

I am 28 and W is 30. Recently married. Just as we were about to start our new life together, five days after our wedding, W asked me to let her go and wanted a divorce. It has been about 3 weeks since then.

Let me try to explain everything chronologically starting from the wedding day.

There was nothing wrong with the wedding. It was a joyous day and we both enjoyed it. She cried a bit throughout the wedding but she told me it was because she was feeling overwhelmed with everything that was happening. I believed this is normal.

The first four days after the wedding were blissful. We were both loving and happy with each other. Except for one thing: She cried every morning. According to her at the time, the reason why she cried was because she is not used to being married, the changes scare her and she is not used to leaving her family behind to start a life with me. At the time, I managed to console her.

However, things got worse on the fifth day: the day we left for our honeymoon. She was feeling down the whole day and had no appetite to eat. When we left her house (we were staying with her side of the family), she cried. When we reached the hotel and finally entered our room she instantly broke down and cried. She said she misses her family, she miss being single and she is scared. I spent basically two days of our honeymoon in our hotel room trying to console her.

She eventually managed to figure out why she was feeling depressed. Basically she told me that she missed having the carefree single life and wouldn’t let that go. She was also scared that married life would not make her happy. She was worried that because she won’t be happy, I wouldn’t be happy and that I would be better off with someone else. She told me that she had doubts about the relationship and the wedding early on but didn’t have the courage to bring it up. She just went through with the wedding because she believed in “fate” and had a “if this is what god has decided for me then it will be good for me” kind of mentality. We’re both Muslims and she’s quite religious. She said after the wedding she should be feeling happy and content but she was not and that there must be something wrong. In the end she felt like she is broken and concluded with “I am not ready to be married”. Of course, hearing all this I was devastated and tried to talk her into staying married but she refused to change her decision.

The honeymoon had to be cut short and we had to go back home (we don’t have our own place yet and we’re staying at my in law’s place). I thought she had a form of homesickness and returning home would make her feel better, but it didn’t. Now she’s cold and distant. Everything I did or said seemed to annoy her. She feels stressed and depressed with everything. She’s still set on wanting to not be married.

A few weeks have passed since then, she’s less angry now but still cold and distant towards me. She said she still cares about me and she still looks after me; prepared my food and washed my clothes. When asked if she still loves me, she said she feels nothing towards me. I stopped talking about the relationship / marriage with her because her answer was still the same and talking about it only hurts me more. At the moment, I am just trying to give her space and be patient. Trying to not get angry when she treats me apathetically. Trying GAL. Trying to detach. Hoping she would get around. Time will heal her or something like that. We are seeing a marriage counselor but the counseling seemed to be focused on our individual goals and not necessarily focusing on fixing the marriage which is also making me worried.

So here I am. Seeking advice from this BB on what to do. Everything feels so sudden. I feel lost and confused. I should be starting and readjusting to a new life right now but it feels like all of that is on hold and that I am in a limbo. Is a case like this common? I am considering on separating with W for a few weeks, to give her some space and perhaps with the tension gone she will be able to think things through better. Is this a good idea?