I think you need to address your fears of talking to her. Treat her like clerk at the grocery store, be brief, certainly don't be fearful. She will try to start fights, which is why I encourage you to learn 2 or 3 validating phrases and learn about validation.
Mostly I'm just trying to spare the kids more exposure to us arguing. Also, I am at the point where I don't have anything more to say to her about "us" --- she's said repeatedly that she's "done," she's said repeatedly that she wants a divorce; the conversation about divorce ended pretty much on a financial disagreement (where she maybe started realizing that she wouldn't have such a nice life post-divorce) and we haven't had a serious talk since. So, I know where she stands and I we just end up arguing if I try to say anything to her, so I'm avoiding it to spare the kids.
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I would probably not get her anything, she has rejected you. Show her you heard her and that you understand you are not her romantic partner.
Yeah, that confirms what I'm thinking. On the one hand, I still love her, and she's the mother of my children, and we're all together and will be giving gifts at Christmas. But on the other hand, as you've said, she's consistently rejected me. I like the way you put it -- show her that I've heard her.
