Gerda Finally Sees the Broken Fragments

[Gerda]

That they know you have a support group is one thing, but names are a bit dangerous. Because I knew a few on-line names my H used for various blogs, I easily found them through a basic internet search. Heck, your D10 could even do it. Just be careful.....

Why is getting a new lawyer tied to going to trial? Why can't you just switch lawyers and address the outstanding issues? Perhaps I missed a few posts about this along the way.

Looking forward to the 26th. On that day, let's post on my thread if there are any problems with getting together (my plane is late, for example). It will be easy to check the forum from my phone rather than leave a note at the venue.

Hiya, Grace -- I have never told them my on-screen name but I didn't think of giving a fake name to DnJ.

Honestly I have nothing to hide from H. I have never said anything here I would not say to his face if I weren't no contact (no contact because of there being no point in saying anything to his face!).

The answer to your L question -- basically, I either proceed with the deal I have, or I make a motion to back out of it because of being coerced into it, and that would difficult to do without asserting that I can't trust my L anymore. Also I don't trust my L anymore! He is totally beaten down and has no fight in him. He doesn't seem to be addressing anything except surrender to every demand L's lawyer forces down my throat. He tried to prove to me that he is fighting for me by telling me he screamed at H's L and called him a fat f--. But he has never filed a single motion to actually get some leverage in this dang thing.

I met with another L today. He gave me the case for not backing out and the case for backing out. He was not pushy at all, if anything he dissuaded me by reminding me many times that it's a possible but uphill and that I screwed up by signing such a terrible deal. I asked a million questions so that I could have the info I need to decide tonight. I am leaning towards hiring him and backing out. He also said that the part about child support in the agreement is easily dismissed because it doesn't follow child support guidelines and is therefore null and void. The rest would be about the coercion. The e-mails from H he said would help support that. He said there is no guarantee that the judge, esp the one I have, will grant the motion,but that at minimum it would hold things up for a few months and might force H to negotiate because he would finally have something to lose. And if the motion doesn't work, I'd just be back with the current agreement. So it seems worth a gamble, even just for the extra child support I might get. Certainly I don't think my current L knows enough about real estate issues or children so even just to negotiate the rest of this deal it might be worth having this guy though he is more expensive.

I don't know, it is all awful! But I think I need the leverage of a motion to start, and the spectre of a trial if that motion works.

At minimum, I realized this -- I have been led by two things up until now. One is fear. Fear of screaming and fear of the judge or whomever else thinking I was wrong. The other is fear that if I fully participated in being more aggressive in this process, H would never be able to come back, that I would no longer be Noble Gerda. I think for the first year I even thought if I delayed long enough, he would wake up. I am being fully honest with myself now, looking back at everything. That was a part of it for me. And still is. I do not want to let myself become too inwardly ugly, and it is confusing when you are fighting for your kids. If I had no kids, I think I would have just signed anything and started a new life. But with kids, I wanted to do it all -- keep this place that will pay for their college education and allow me to still be a full time mom, keep leaving a door open for H's return and not sully myself too much. That's what kept me weak and confused. I don't think I am confused anymore. I think I know I have to fight. Now I am just trying to choose the most likely gamble.

And that sounds good about the 26th plan.

XO